Dreams of Being a Midwife Squashed by a Mole

Published by admin under Pandemonium on December 18, 2009

After giving birth to my 2nd child with a midwife (the 1st was too) I thought  “Wow, this is what I’m called to do”. My reasoning: I”m badass at giving birth”. I understand the entire process, and just let my body do the work. The longest labor was 5 hours. I enjoyed giving birth. It was empowering, and more then likely the most profound thing I’ll ever have done in my life.  I thought that would be an extremely rewarding job, to share with other women a similar experience and help them on their journey to parenthood. And it would be an extremely rewarding job……… if I weren’t deathly afraid of sharp things or about pass out over the site of a removed mole.

My point being I don’t think I could take another person’s blood, give them a shot, or handle the site of a placenta that’s not my own (kinda resemble removed moles. odd. I know.) without being a big baby and dropping like a fly. Not a good thing when someone’s depending on you.

Why it never occurred to me this would be a problem for me before……I don’t know. I’ve just really thought about it while I’ve been sitting around on my ass because of this mole.  Which by the way is bruised and I”ve been crying like a baby ever time I move my leg. YAY, go me!

I talked a little about this with Matthew, and he also brought up another good point of why I probably couldn’t do it. I’m a bleeding heart and if a mother I was taking care of lost her baby I’d probably be just as much of a wreck as she would & throw in the towel and never practice midwifery again.  What a waste of an education that’d be.

Midwifes are made of strong stuff, let me tell you.

I guess I’ll settle for advocating for women’s birth choices and being a supporter of Midwives.  I’ll have to think of something else great to be.

I’m kinda leaning towards being mediocre. I don’t really want to be anything or “anybody”. I’m happy with what I’m doing and who I am. To me a job could just be something I enjoy doing that makes money. I don’t think I’m going to be a “career” person.  What’s wrong with that? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with that. People always ask “So what do you do?”. To people that literally defines who they are. It’s a status thing. I deal with that a lot when people realize I “JUST”(absolutely hate that word) stay at home with my children.

What’s a girl to do?