Dreams of Being a Midwife Squashed by a Mole

Published by admin under Pandemonium on December 18, 2009

After giving birth to my 2nd child with a midwife (the 1st was too) I thought  “Wow, this is what I’m called to do”. My reasoning: I”m badass at giving birth”. I understand the entire process, and just let my body do the work. The longest labor was 5 hours. I enjoyed giving birth. It was empowering, and more then likely the most profound thing I’ll ever have done in my life.  I thought that would be an extremely rewarding job, to share with other women a similar experience and help them on their journey to parenthood. And it would be an extremely rewarding job……… if I weren’t deathly afraid of sharp things or about pass out over the site of a removed mole.

My point being I don’t think I could take another person’s blood, give them a shot, or handle the site of a placenta that’s not my own (kinda resemble removed moles. odd. I know.) without being a big baby and dropping like a fly. Not a good thing when someone’s depending on you.

Why it never occurred to me this would be a problem for me before……I don’t know. I’ve just really thought about it while I’ve been sitting around on my ass because of this mole.  Which by the way is bruised and I”ve been crying like a baby ever time I move my leg. YAY, go me!

I talked a little about this with Matthew, and he also brought up another good point of why I probably couldn’t do it. I’m a bleeding heart and if a mother I was taking care of lost her baby I’d probably be just as much of a wreck as she would & throw in the towel and never practice midwifery again.  What a waste of an education that’d be.

Midwifes are made of strong stuff, let me tell you.

I guess I’ll settle for advocating for women’s birth choices and being a supporter of Midwives.  I’ll have to think of something else great to be.

I’m kinda leaning towards being mediocre. I don’t really want to be anything or “anybody”. I’m happy with what I’m doing and who I am. To me a job could just be something I enjoy doing that makes money. I don’t think I’m going to be a “career” person.  What’s wrong with that? I’ll tell you what’s wrong with that. People always ask “So what do you do?”. To people that literally defines who they are. It’s a status thing. I deal with that a lot when people realize I “JUST”(absolutely hate that word) stay at home with my children.

What’s a girl to do?

guacaMOLE

Published by admin under Pandemonium on December 15, 2009

My “molestake”…..”we’re not supose to talk about the bloody mole, but there it is staring me in the face”.

All I could think of yesterday as my Dr. was removing the mole above my knee was this video. Pure awesomeness.

A few months back the mole above my right knee began to itch. At first I thought it was because of shaving, but then it was all the time;almost like having a bug bite. Then I started to notice that the shape was changing. That’s when I decided to schedule an appointment to see the doctor.  Most people wouldn’t jump to that conclusion first, but melanoma runs in my family so it’s something I’ve taken very seriously all my life. The Dr. said it did look suspicious so we set up another appointment to have it removed. The procedure wasn’t too painful, but since my mole was in a high muscle tension area it’s going to be hard going in the healing department. Hopefully my sutures don’t bust open :P blah. I’d like to thank all my family and friends for you support and prayers. I’m crossing my fingers it’s benign. We’ll find out when the stitches are removed Christmas Eve morning.

Dude after she was done removing it, she showed it to me. First time in my life I’ve about ever about passed out.

**UPDATE: It was fine ^_^! Got the results back already